The last few days went well enough.
I have no desire to study what-so-ever.
I know that I should though, so it's eating away at me, while I spend all my free time on fanfictionpress.com.
I'm horrible, I know.
And about my intake today, I guess it wasn't too bad.
a cup of pasta 430 (?)
a cup of mixed vegetables with chicken 300 (?)
a cup of yogurt 86
If my estimates are good around 800+ calories today.
Not bad for a start.
Anyway due to laundry day being yesterday I had no clean loose tops which I'm used to wearing.
So I went and wore this tight dark grey top (which by the way I had no I idea I even had) and tried to cover all the roles of fat with a scarf thingy.
I felt incredibly uncomfortable but I couldn't help it, I had to go to class.
And the whole point of the story is that a friend from college, let's call her Blondie, told me a few minutes ago that I had lost weight.
I cannot begin to describe the mix of feelings that came over me.
Disgust- YOU LET HER SEE THE FAT
Happiness- Somebody noticed!
Doubt- What if she lied to make me feel better about myself due to pitty?
Fear - What if I go to far because of this.
And because I'm not a normal person who says 'thank you' when she gets a compliment, I started listing out all the things that could have made her think that I lost weight.
The conversation went like this:
Blondie: You've lost weight
Me : Your eyes are playing tricks on you. I mean it's been a while since I wore something skin tight
Blondie: I'm not sure. I can see it on your face.
Me: Well it's the first time I came to college without getting out of bed 10 minutes before the class started.
Blondie: I don't know, you really looked pretty today
Me: Thanks
Blondie: You're welcome.
I am horrible at taking compliments. I should just shut up, smile and nod. How hard can that be ?
Thanks for reading the whole rant.
Much love <3
Faye! <3
ReplyDeletei hope you get my comments. i think at some point you couldn't get my comments. either way...
fanfiction is the best. shhhh. you can study after (teheh).
it doesn't sound like much, darling. please take care. i love you lots.
oh my god, don't you just hate clothes you're not comfortable in? :/ it feels like everyone can notice the things that you feel, even though it isn't true. promise.
i have a Blondie too. he's a guy (an actual blonde) and i love him. :3 he calls me Brownie.
honestly, calm down, honey. someone noticed. that's all there is to it. people don't usually lie about this shit. trust me.
she's adorable. she said all the right words i feel. and she's right, little birdie.
oh my god, look at the flower.
-Sam Lupin
OH MY GOD SAMMY YOU'RE HERE
DeleteI was so worried when I didn't see any posts on your blog.
I actually found a system that works like a charm. One topic = one chapter.
It's a really comfortable shirt, soft and long. The only problem was that I felt uncomfortable because I felt that people were staring at me and that the fat was showing.
Oh, that's too cute.
My blondie actually looks like me, the only difference in our appearance being her blonde hair, hence the nickname. She also suffers from depression and in turn anxiety, and the only part of my problems with myself she is unaware of would be the ED one, but I'm not comfortable talking to her about it.
AND I CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW GLAD I AM TO HEAR FROM YOU
I'M SKY HIGH DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW
<3