Monsters...

My parents are divorced. I live with my mom and I rarely go visit my dad. Today, he reminded me why is that.
We were talking about sth and he was making me go on a major guilt trip. I almost went insane.
Then we talked about may weight and he made me step on the scale while he looked at the numbers.
"I felt humiliated to the bone" would be the understatement of the year compared to how I felt.

Anyway since that is not an electric scale but the regular old-school one, I'm not really sure what my weight is, but it's around 156ibs...

Now comes the shock.

HOW THE FUCK DID I GAIN 10ibs IN 10 DAYS????

Major crying warning.

I guess it's just water weight, I mean sure I spent the last week eating like a pig but no more of that.

I WILL NEVER EAT solid food AGAIN.

Just on a side note:
Breakfast: Bread, sour cream and a piece of cake- 566

Stay strong lovelies <3

Nobody knows...

Nobody knows the pain I feel...
unless..
we are going through the same thing...

Stay strong lovelies <3

I want to be... untouchable!

I went to get my driving licence today...
While I sat bored to death in the waiting room, a guy approached me...
He was about my age and super cute and we talked and talked and then he left because his licence was given to him....
I was happy and I felt beautiful and you know... it was awesome...
But since I am unlucky as hell and because Baby Jesus won't let me have a rest...
A guy in his 50ties went to talk to me and I couldn't get rid of him and I when I got my licence I ran out of there before you could say "pedophile"...
And then I got home and cried and cried and cried... and ate and ate and ate... (about 1600cal)
And I WANT to be thin... but more than anything I wanted them away from me.
I don't want men 30sth years older than me chasing me so I made myself unattractive by eating.
Stupid logic. I know.
Now I just feel stupid and full and gross and ugly and like a crybaby.
I'm a mess. 

What doesn't kill you....

Ate too much...
Around 1000cals....
Don't want to talk about it...

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there

VenusApr 13, 2012 09:21 PM

Say I was just thinking... wouldn't it be easier to have multiple personality disorder so you didn't have to live with both voices at once? >.<

You've just made me laugh so hard I fell of my chair.
So dear Venus this post is just to say that I love you. 

Stay strong <3

Come on skinny love just last the year... Pour a little salt, we were never here...

I guess I've had a rough few days.
Ate tuna and bread for breakfast. Trying to ignore the numbers in my head.
And the voices.

"Eat, eat, eat"
"Don't, don't, don't"

THIS is  hell.


I weighed in yesterday.
148.2.
I am such a failure.

Trying to look acceptable...

I'm going for a run in an hour.
I haven't eaten anything so far.
And I have my dance class tonight so I HAVE to look acceptable.
*dance with the boy you like... come on you know the drill*
Tell you tonight how it goes.
Stay strong lovelies <3

Hurt....

I am many things. Stupid is NOT one of them.
I knew that he can't like me. I mean it's obvious. I'm as big as a whale.
So why does it hurt so much??

Anyway food wise, so far 522 cal. I plan on not going over 800.
I know it's too much, but I'm having a really bad day.

Stay strong lovelies <3