Well, it takes one to know one.... Kid, I think you've got it bad...

How can I say that I have an eating disorder when I eat so much? 
How can I say I have a disorder when I’m not even underweight? 
Not even near being underweight? 
How can I say that? 
I feel like I’m an insult to everyone who has a real disorder, because I just feel like mine isn’t real.
I feel like a mockery.

I'm back under 150. 

Still a failure though.

Breakfast: Plate of fried zucchini

Lunch: A packet of frozen cherries

I saw P on Sunday.
He looked like a shirtless dream.
He laughed and smiled and ran and never said hi.

And besides, he has a girlfriend.
Nothing special, most of my friend said.
Still thinner than me, I muse.
So I can't help but wonder..
If I were thinner...

I guess not.

No one ever knew how.

The end.

Weight goal: 130 by 23 July.
Don't tell me is unrealistic.
I know that already.
I just need hope.

Comments:

Emma Phoenix: I also thought that the dream-catcher is amazing and also, I like it as a symbol. 


Ednos Linny: Don't give me ideas... :P


WinterA: Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero information on the nutrition. I stopped buying them anyway. xD
Btw congrats on your weight loss 
PS. I would kill the 12 year-old. She seems really rude.


Sleepwalker: Thanks honey... xoxo


Remie: Awesome. Keeping my fingers crossed for both of us. :)


Ahava: That's exactly the problem. They taste great. xD


EnglishRose: Thanks petal (Pun very much intended) :)
I'll try to keep that in mind. <3

Abusing cookies..

Ever heard of that??
No?
I am acctually that messed up.
I am not allowed to buy laxatives since I'm not 18 yet.
So I did the next worst thing.
There are these cookies called "Probavino" and they can help you with your ...well you know....
And I ate a ton of them this week and they really work.
The only downfall is: I have no idea how many calories they have.
And it horrifies me.

Okay about the eating thing:

200g Probavino I'm guessing 800?

plate of mixed veggies 60

50g meat 80

4 pieces of chocolate 130 

Coffee?? 

Total: 1070

And that's how they make horror movies kids.

Oh I almost forgot....

I took my measurements today.

Right after a meal though but whatever.

neck: 35cm

chest: 102cm

waist: 81cm

hips: 94cm

thigh: 57cm 

calf: 40cm

arm: 27cm

wrist: 17cm

Horror.
I won't stop until my waist is 60cm.
I promise.

Comments:

We are all mad here: That's the only reason to like winter, fireplaces I mean. Most of the time I prefer the heat though. :)

WinterA: Heyy, turn that frown upside down. Same goes for your eating habits for the last few days. You can do it. I believe in you.. :)

Emma Phoenix: I haven't started yet. I'm really getting on my nerves right now... :D




Stay strong lovelies <3

Calling out for something unknown...

Hey girlies...
I've changed the name of the blog...
I felt it fit me better than the previous one..

Anyway not much too report.
I only have two grades that aren't done with and that would be Chemistry and Psychology and then I'm done. D.O.N.E.
Next week is going to be all sunshine and heat and we're not allowed to wear anything but long pants and t-shirts. It will be hell. Hell, I tell you... :)

Obviously I'm in a good mood but I feel guilty for being in a good mood.
Especially since my ABC diet hasn't started yet and I weighed myself.
*152.2 Horror, but that was after I ate and drank a ton of water*

Oh, about the eating...

1 cooked potato                  118  
1 piece of fish                      84
3 pieces of toast      3*77=231    
1 sour milk (6% fat)          182
3 lemons                   24*3=72
3 tbsp honey           64*3=192
1 tbsp hot pepper                17

Total:                               896 cal


Okay, I didn't go over 1000 but I still feel like a failure....
I must be insane because with this weight my BMR is 1542.
I'm eating 2/3 of it and it's just... ugh
I wish I was normal. Really.

Posting the ABC again. I am so desperate.. xD

Comments:

@WinterA:
I've obviously messed up. Again. Trust me, my mom is always like that. It's like she can't stand anyone thinner or prettier than her. I hate that. How was "tomorrow" for you??

@Sleepwalker:
Oh, I do.... :*

@Venus:
Long live magic...xDD Btw I miss your stories.... I love reading your writing... Please post them again??

@Englishrose:
Try weeks?? :)

@Ahava:
Gifs? Gotta love tumblir.. ;)  I used to purge but I try not to do it anymore... I did. And it almost made me cry... But you were right, it made me stop binging for the rest of the day.. thanks <3 <3


Stay strong lovelies.. <3

Rants...

I also don't care.
So why do you want to hurt me so bad??

Anyway, now that that's over with, I'm going to tell you what a oh-so-horrible day I've had.
I. can't. stop. eating.
I have no idea why.
I know I'm not hungry.
And I stop myself from opening the cupboards.
And then not 15min later I catch my hands stuffing my face with basically anything and everything.
It's like I am stuck in a nightmare.
Trapped.

Also my mother keeps triggering me...

I think I've lost some weight. *does a spiral in front of me. I pretend not to notice*

Have you eaten all that food? You're going to get fat.

Here. Take the chocolate. God knows you don't eat anything anyway.

And we go in a circle from there..

About my weight? No idea. Haven't stepped on the scale in more than a week.
To be perfectly honest, I am afraid to.
But on Monday morning I will.
I have to.

And you girls?
I love you.
So much.

I may not comment on your blogs, but I read them.
I simply don't know what to say.
I understand though.

Stay strong lovelies  <3

Just start already...

Hey lovelies... 

I'm back from Petnica. It was awesome.

Plan for the next few days is eat as little as possible and restart the ABC on Monday... 

Stay strong <3