It's been a really long time.
A year or so.
A lot has changed, you know?
I've moved to the capital.
I'm in college right now. Computer science mayor.
I have no scale in my apartment so I had no clue about my weight for close to six months, today.
And without the scales, I only occasionally got the impulse to starve myself.
I haven't binged or purged in a really long time.
I was better, I really was.
And then something happened.
My first semester ended and I didn't get the grades I expected.I had 4 A's, 2 B's, a D and an exam I didn't even go to.
Let's just say that it pushed me straight to obsessing about my weight again, because if I cannot be smart I can at least be thin, right?
And I tried to fight the urge since February, but I've had to buy the books for my second semester. Between the books and cigarettes and food, guess which two I chose?So, after forcing myself to worry about the amount of food I buy, I started counting calories again too. And I started taking less and less food.
And I'm back.
And I hope some of you are still here after a year.
Much love <3
I can't believe it's been a year. Where does the time go?
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear things are traveling okay for you. To be honest I think those grades are great. I know it doesn't mean much from an outside source, but if you weren't smart, you wouldn't be studying computer science.
The price of food can be so triggering. Especially when it competes with things like cigarettes and books (the true essentials in life, of course). Coke Zero is my priority at the moment, and god knows I spend way too much on that. I easily drink 1.5-2 liters a day, so half of my food budget is soda :P
I was actually thinking of you just last week, no kidding. I remember at one point you were trying to find a Wintergirls PDF to email me? Well I found one online! I'm about a third through, and to be honest I'm a bit 'meh' on it. It's a good, easy read, but it doesn't hit me in the face as being an ED book (yet). Just in case you want a copy: http://www.readersstuffz.com/downloads/ebooks/Novels/Laurie%20Halse%20Anderson%20-%20Wintergirls.pdf
Take care <3
xxxx
Well, generally they are good, just not good enough for my standards.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand carbonated drinks of any kind. Even sparkling water makes me nauseous. I don't know why that is.
I actually had it printed some years ago. I still have it. It's margins are full of noted with underlined parts that I really like.
I don't know it's triggering for me, especially the part about the mensa test at her mom's house. Sorry if I spoiled it, but I can't remember which part of the book the scene is in.
<3