So I've been missing.
Again.
I have that horrible habit of disappearing from time to time.
Sue me.
Although I do feel bad about it.
Anyway, I bought a scale.
So tomorrow morning I'm stepping on it and seeing my weight.
And taking my measurements.
All will be posted.
I get nervous when I think about it.
I went insane when I heard, in my head I mean.
I was so worried.
You see, I refuse to believe that I am ill.
I know that my eating habits are weird.
Throwing up, Starving, Binging.
The whole nine yards.
I UNDERSTAND that it's far from normal.
But I am NOT ill.
I can stop doing it whenever I want.
Right? Right.
So I'm very scared that someone will point at me when they hear what my friends have to say.
I wouldn't want that.
I'm aware that there is almost no chance of that happening but still.
My nerves are absolutely wrecked.
My plans for the rest of January.
Fast.
Five days.
120 hours.
I can do it.
I know I can.
Stay strong loves <3
the same thing happened to me i was 15 in GCSE eng lit we had to do a presentation on a global issue i did anorexia and I'm so ashamed to not of realised the things i do now about anorexia maybe i was naive but it made me more interested in the illness my mum says this was the start of being ill for me idk tbh
ReplyDeletejust make sure you look after them and its ok for you to not want to talk about it if its gunna upset you
much love
xx
p.s ur wrong you will not be able to stop its with you every day it doesnt have an on/off switch im afraid :(
The speech is due tomorrow. <3
Deletehope it goes ok
Deletexx
omg i love Lilo and Stitch
ReplyDeletedude this thing doesn't like me before i had to switch browsers to leave comments [fuck]
YES do not disappear from time to time i missssssssss you
sadly most people are idiots ugh so they probably not even realise it. they might, but you're clever enough to find a way to high it i'm sure!
-Sam Lupin
I think it's jealous of my love for your comments. ^_^
DeleteI will, hopefully xD
<3
Ohh, fasting sounds so lovely right now...
ReplyDeleteAww, Stitch is so adorable!
Sadly, you won't be able to just decide to stop one day. Actually, if you're like me, you'll go months without having any kind of disordered behavior. And then it will hit you like a freight train and you'll be worse than you were to begin with.
I love Stitch. I had a Stitch toy when I was a kid.
DeleteTalking about that..
I would be nervous as well. I dislike doing school projects on eating disorders. Makes me feel....weird.
ReplyDeleteYou are not so bad. It's not like you disappear for like 3-6 months or anything.
When was the last time you got on the scale? I know I am fat so no need in looking. Only after I am done with my one week training this upcoming sunday or monday lol. I may wait until monday since sunday I am doing a lot of cooking.
Regardless, I feel guilty as hell for leaving.
DeleteI don't really remember, I have it written in a notebook.
Ahhhhhhhh, I know exactly what you mean with the friends thing. Last night my friends and I had these things called "misfortune cookies" which are like fortune cookies but they say awful things. Most of them were funny--"Everyone's having better sex than you' and stuff like that. But mine was (TW:SH/Suicide) "Remember: it's down the street, not across the road, otherwise people just think you're doing it for attention." Which started this whole long conversation about self-harm and suicide and what it's connected to (endorphin release, addiction... and co-morbidity with things like depression and eating disorders). Being EDNOS and SH, oh god, I was just sitting there feeling sick to my stomach and hoping no one noticed that I had suddenly stopped talking.
ReplyDeleteLike fuck.
ANYWAY. Sorry my first comment on your blog was so dark. Just power-read through your archives and lovelovelove it. Looking forward to hear more from you, dear. <3
Oh my God, I can't even IMAGINE what that must've felt like.
DeleteI mean, with me, it's just for class, no biggie.
But mother of holly crazy cow, how far do coincidences go??