So when you put your sins on one, and your heart on the other side... Who will save you from falling down??

Hey lovelies.
Sorry I've been missing out on your wonderful blogs.

My life is kind of a mess.
I gained all the weight I lost (again).
And now I stand at 157.6 ibs.
I just want to die.

Over eating.
Over exercising.
Not purging though.
I don't know really.

When I started to gain the weight, I was afraid that I was going to disappoint you.
So I didn't post.

Then I promised myself that I would post as soon as I go back to 145 again *I reached that one around the 20th September*.

But the weight never went down.
In a month + a few days I gained 12 pounds of fat. I feel disgusting.
And here we go again from here.

My plea's in.
It's your turn to judge.

Who are you now to decide whether or not I can be exposed to what you hide?

ABC day 3: 300 cal
W: 67 kg
Food: 284
Exercise: 66
An okay day if you ask me.

ABC day 4: 400 cal *this is where things get ugly
W:??
Food: way too much, didn't count
Exercise: none

ABC day 5: 100cal
W: 67kg
Food: 98
Exercise: 277
A negative day. :)

ABC day 6: 200 cal
W: 66.8
Food: 1370 (170 of which I ate for lunch, the rest was purged after dinner)
Exercise: 645 *Can you tell I felt guilty?

As you can probably see I'm a fat failure at dieting.
I wish I had enough will power to make myself not want.

Oh, and the whole scale thing. I don't know which one shows the correct number.
I'll be using the regular one until Monday. *final weigh-in for Piggy
From Tuesday, I'm switching to the digital one, because it shows me a higher number and is more accurate.
Also, all the new weight will be in ibs. Goal weights will be one BMI point away from one another. *6ibs for my height.

Technicalities, eh??

Comments:

Sammy :)

Sam Lupin You'll get there ;)
I like the picture. Yes, I was aware that it was her but I'm totally like "Oh, that's nice deary. Now, would you like some more tea?"
Technically, the sun IS a star. So the stars never miss the sun because it's one of them. Nerdy stuff <3
It was half the size of a match box, AND I did feel extremely guilty after eating it. xD
I hear you on LdC one. xDD
Don't get me started on Teddy bears. I have like 10 on a red scarf that I absolutely adore (but it only has the heads so that can be a little creepy), I have a HUGE one, on which I sleep, when I sleep on the floor. Unbelievable as it sounds, I find myself asleep on the floor quite often.
"the evil scale bitch wife Rachel"
You just HAVE to explain that.
Love, your dairy fairy butterfly <3

Venus Thanks love, that was very helpful of you. <3

WinterA I really hope you reach your goal. You know, you're like the ultimate thinspiration around here. You've started at 200 and made your way down. You. Are. Amazing. :)

Tatyana I still think I have super powers. xD But I'm glad I'm not the only one <3

Stay strong loves <3

Trying to win a losing game...

ABC day 1: 500cal *yesterday*
W: 68
Went better than planned.
450g broccoli 145
2tsp herbal mix 60 (probably overestimating, but get used to it)
a cookie 40
Total: 240

ABC day 2: 500cal *today*
W: 67.8
2tsp herbal mix 60
Yes, it makes me happy..

Now, I have a HUGE problem.
Or possibly my scales are having a fight.

The digital one, that my parents took away, I found at my grandfather's house.
I stepped on it, clothed, and I had a cardiac arrest.
69.3
Good lord, that was a shock.

My other scale, the regular one, showed 67.8 naked and 68.2 clothed.

Is it possible that I've been so wrong for that long?
Or is it just the surface?
Or am I a magical creature whose weight shifts for 1 kg in less than 15min?

Checking the scales tomorrow, on a hard surface.
Concrete, if possible.

Comments:

Eyedea Ja mislim da da. Nisam jela nista posle brokolija. Mrzim sirce. Mrzim kisele krastavce. Cista nesreca, s obzirom na to da kiselo ubija apetit. :)
Emma Well they have other stars a few light years away...We on the other hand have each other a few thousand km away...
Venus Guilty as charged. * referring to Stardust. Thanks, I try to make them fit in with my mood and everything. I'm glad that people like them. <3
Sam Lupin Your comment makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I almost consider it a giant teddy bear. Thanks for that <3
becca thanks love <3

Stay strong loves <3

I heard you like the bad girls.... Honey, is that true?

Sorry for not posting loves.

I just got my internet back today.

My parents took it away as a punishment. 

It was my brother's fault really.

Me not being able to post? Just collateral damage.

I relate to that

But now that I'm here...

Let's start with weighing-in.

68 right now.

I'm going from 67 to 68 all the time.

Disney

Eating?

I fucked up the previous ABC so I'm doing it again starting today.

ABC day 1: 500cal

I'll probably have to eat cake tonight so that's around 300.

I'm cheating on my herbal mix drinking only 2 tsp a day (instead of 7) so that's 60.

And I bought frozen broccoli around 450g to snack on during the day 145.

Total:  495 cal

God, I really hope I don't screw up.

Totally random

Exercising?

I'm hell bent on burning at least 300.

Walking, running, cycling, swimming, climbing stairs....

Doesn't matter really.

As. long. as. I. burn. it. all.

Love life?

My almost boyfriend wants to be with me although he has a girlfriend and I emphasized that I ONLY like P.

So basically I would sum it up in a football comment:

"The player has a chance.... Come on... Come on.... the player misses"

Life in general?

Everybody please leave me alone.

Thank you.

Disney. Again.

Oh, and school starts tomorrow.

She dreamed of para-para-paradise every time she closed her eyes...

A philosopher once asked:

 "Are we human because we gaze at the stars or do we gaze at them because we are human". 

Pointless really. 

"Do the stars gaze back?" 

Now, that's the question.

Comments:

Eyedea To nije bilo utesno :P

Ruby-tuesday I love horses and unicorns... but tiger IS my favorite. :)

EnglishRose Since universe is endless, I prefer to believe there are no limits.

Rayya Aww thanks... I saw you *finally* posted although I haven't really read it yet. Catching up as soon as I can, promise. 

Flawed design Running mostly.... I feel sorry for both of us.

Emma I wish I didn't do that. It makes me paranoid sometimes. <3

Tree Thanks love <3

Fat Piggy Nemo - cool. Disney - DISNEY <3

Stay strong loves <3

I'd spend forever, wondering if you knew..

These days, I can turn everything *even Disney* into sth ED related.

So, weigh in day for Piggy's challenge.
SW: 69.5
Week1: 69.5
Week2: 68

It means no worries.. 

Improvement obvious.

Anyway, the last 3 days were a train wreck of endless binging and purging AKA Mom's days off.
I saw 67.5 but right now I'm up to 68.
Oh well.

Story of my life.

I have to do better tomorrow.
I've started exercising too.
*Hell froze over yesterday*

Comments:

Rayya Venus has made me paranoid. I'm counting it as 210. Just to be on the safe side. xD

Venus You helped a lot. I didn't know that before. ^_^
Don't worry about commenting, we'll be waiting for the spring. :P

The lovely bones I love making you laugh. It makes my day. It really does. xox

Rayya. Flawed Design.

Stay strong loves <3

There was something so pleasant about that place...

ABC day 5:100cal
weight: 67.9

I started drinking some herbal mix based on honey today, because my mom believes it will help regulate my period. I'm supposed to drink 7 tsp of it a day for a month and it makes me incredibly anxious because I don't know how many cals a tsp has. I'm deciding on 100 for 7 tsp.

One step at a time,
there's no need to rush.
Like learning to fly
or falling in love...

Intake: herbal mix 100
Exercise: 0
Total: 100

I'm just too lazy to write a proper post.
Sorry girlies

Love it.

Comments:

Rayya Why, yes it is, love. xD Aw thanks, I'd just love to be lower, lower, lower... xD

Emma Aren't we all? <3

Stay strong loves <3

But secrets always have a way of coming out...

ABC day 3 : 300cals
weight: 68.5
Epic fail, loves.
At first I was ashamed to tell you about it, but I was good today.
I was at 100 for most of the day *2 rice cakes eaten at 11am*
But then around 10pm, my brother made me furious.
I'm an emotional eater. When I'm enraged I eat. So add 1600 to it. HUGE BINGE.
I don't think I've had that many calories in one sitting in months.

ABC day : 400 cals
weight: 68 *woot*
all eaten at 6pm
1 stuffed pepper 210
2 pieces of bread 135
3 chilli peppers 41
Total: 386 :)
Yay team.

Anyway I have to think of a way to make up for yesterday.
*exercise*
I HATE to exercise.
I deserved it though.

Comments:

Rayya aww I love you too <3

Emma I'm glad you find the pictures amusing  ^_^
God knows there are too many sad things in our posts.

Flawed design Thanks love <3

Eyedea <3 <3 <3

EnglishRose Don't worry darling cause...

Stay strong loves <3

A unicorn? Glitter? Rainbows? Just breaking the dishes, my dear...

Not puking its guts out, but still... xD

As it turns out, patience pays off and Rayya was right.
This morning I weighed in at 69kg.
Plateau broken. *checked*

ABC day 2: 500calories
intake: 10 rice cakes - 493
exercise: 0
total: 493

I'm actually pissed off because I couldn't exercise but also very happy because of the weight loss.
Does that make sense?
Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

Comments:

Thin or not Thanks, btw I can't see your profile, I can't see your blog... Post a link? :*

The lovely bones I think you can make it if you put in some effort. I'm GMT +1 so that means WE're behind the challenge and A LOT at that... *shrugs shoulders* What can a girl do? I ramble all the time. :)

Rayya Okay, you have no idea how glad I am when you are right. Go study, not going to bother you about posting anymore.

Flawed design My weigh-in? How about nine pounds less? That's where I want to be right now. <3

Eyedea Znas ti si prva osoba sa Balkana koju sam srela ovde i neverovatno je koliko sam srecna zbog toga. Hoces da zajedno probamo ABC? S tim sto bi ti krenula od 3. ili 4. dana... :)

EnglishRose One of them is persian, the other one is just your regular street cat.
Yeah the dress really is beautiful, isn't it?
Anyway, I hope you feel a little better tomorrow.
Whoever he is, he is going to Hell for making you sad, I promise. <3




Stay Disney loves <3