Hey loves.
Food diary:
4 pieces of toast 120
120g peach 47
250g tomato puree 68
total: 235 kcal, 7g protein, 50g carbs, 0g fat, 2g fiber
I woke up really late and ate some toast.
Then I ate a peach.
And then the tuna grew fins, again.
I wasn't as upset today.
I just didn't have the energy to care.
So I ate the puree and toast and called it a day.
I'm going tomorrow to see a friend who lives in a city nearby.
Let's call her JM.
JM is a student in Saint Petersburg and she came here for her summer vacation.
She's one of my best friends and I haven't seen in in over a year.
I can't wait.
And she still manages to look better than me.
I'm afraid that I'm triggering her, because she has problems with her eating too.
We never discussed it, but I kind of think she has a b/p problem, so I'll try to eat as normally as possible while there.
I'll probably weigh in sometime during the day, maybe bring the scale here too.
I am disrupting my studying schedule for the anniversary, but my grandfather was more of a father to me than my own father.
I remember how when I was overweight in 8th grade, he was the only one who supported me in dieting and bought healthy foods for me when I needed it most.
In high school, he'd wake me up and drive me to school every day.
He was the one who took me to the doctor's when I was ill.
He was the one who taught me to read and write and drove me to my competitons.
He was the one who I begged to tell me goodnight stories about pirates, so he made them up in a span of 15 minutes.
When he died, I cried for days.
He was a keeper of my stories and then he was gone and I had no idea how to deal with that.
Sometimes, I still think he'd call to see how I'm doing, and then I realize that won't happen.
My father took his mobile number when he died.
I couldn't bring myself to change the caller ID for months, because when my father called, his name would light up the screen and that made me happy.
I'm insane, I guess.
i went back to see you replying to the other comment i've left and i'm grinning. i don't know why but there's something about you that is so genuine.
ReplyDeletei hope you have more today. i mean, you do always eat low, and i do worry about your normal amount of food intake... i'm not sure if i'm making much sense, but i really do worry about you, love.
hope you have a splendid time with JM. you deserve so much!
i think you're biased towards how you look. i think if we saw someone with our identical bodies, we'd be much less hateful of them. i think we'd still think they look better than us, even if we really are identical.
i'm so sorry for your loss, love. God rest his soul. i think losing someone never gets normal.
you are not insane.
i think with our loved ones, the only thing we can do when they pass is just try to celebrate the good they've done whilst they were alive. though it just... it never feels real i suppose. when my grandmother passed away (God rest her soul), i still think i'll see her whenever i pop down there. it doesn't feel normal that she's not there. and the thought of having to do it again is excruciating.
it's just something that happens, that there is no real words that bring any comfort for it, but just know that i'm thinking of you.
hope you smile today xx
i love you. hope i've not offended you with anything i've said and if i did, i didn't mean to.
take care of yourself, love. as best as you can. whatever that may be.
-Sam Lupin
Genuine? That has an awful lot of meanings, but I do think I get it.
DeleteIf you want to see me at raw, you should read the next one.
I don't know what's going on with me. I go back to read the blogs I've missed since last year and when I come to the last post I don't know what to say since so much has happened and I want to comment on everything but I just can't find the words and it's a horrible feeling.
And then I thought of commenting on every post but seeing a comment from a post from last year and then a bunch of them in a span of 5 hours seems too stalkerish I guess.
It sometimes seems like too much to me. I don't know. I have an awful relationship with food.
Oh, we did. She is wonderful and I adore her.
I know we would. It just doesn't make it better. I wonder why others can't see what we see when we look at us?
It gets better. It's been a year and it's difficult from me from time to time, but I'm basically okay I think.
I'm sorry about your grandmother. Rationally, we accept that it's a normal thing. We live in a line, born, live, die. And rationally, you KNOW that it will happen, just not to your loved one, because when we are young, they seem immortal. Then life shows you that they are not, and you just can't deal with that.
Of course not, I love hearing from you.
coughireallyhopecoughnooneseesthiscoughbutcoughyouaremyfavouritecough
I adore you Sammy, I really do
You don't mind if I do the post by post thing with yours, do you?
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