Hey loves...
Today was eventful *in the ED sense at least
Yesterday I had a strong resolve not to eat over 500 a day.
So this morning I ate 3 small mandarins (120) for breakfast
And my mom made cake.
The cherry vanilla kind.
And I was determined not to try it.
Except she made me.
One piece (380).
When she went to work all hell broke loose.
I ate two rows of it and purged it.
Then I binged on rice-meat-cabbage-bread and purged that too.
Then I went to the gym and burned 2600 on the stepper.
So nothing new in my life. xD
Starve. Binge. Purge. Binge. Purge. Exercise.
I hate this.
Weight wise, I'm going down the rabbit hole.
153.7
It makes me okay with myself to know that I'm losing.
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| What I'll probably do |
Btw that vanilla cherry cake is still in the fridge.
And I crave it so badly.
The only thing stopping me from eating until I can't open my mouth anymore is the fact that it'll show on the scale tomorrow.
Mfp saying that if this goes on, I'll be 127 in 5 weeks helps too.
I don't know whether to be happy or scared or disgusted with myself.
I think I'll just stick with hate.
Stay strong lovelies <3
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| Only thing I could think of when the question is "When would you not feel guilty about eating?" I obviously have problems. |
Comments:
Emma Well in that case, I should drag you with me to the gym. <3Neisa Rae I would love to read about your plans :) 13? That's awesome.
God, I hate the cycle. Especially before the period. It drives me insane.
Thanks, I try xD
Go. Run like the wind ;)
Ruby Thanks love <3 I hope you feel better yourself
Sammy Overexercising is a sweaty thing, love xDD
I like the purging comparison xD she also likes to make me miserable and bloated and gives me puffy eyes and hamster cheeks. Remind me again why I'm friends with her? XD
You'll see lower love. Just you wait.
I know that ED people usually have a distorted body image, but trust me, I would see myself as fat either way.
I see thin people and wonder if they have EDs too. I need a shrink.
<3
You REALLY should, lol.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could purge right now. And I know that's a terrible thing to want, considering I haven't thrown up in almost 5 years, but the boulder in my gut is stretching me out to be whale sized.
I can never eat after 6pm again. NEVER EVER EVER.
Please take care darling <3
-Emma
ive never been in the binge purge cycle so i dont know what its like but ive binged like 10,000kcals before (that isnt an exaggeration)
ReplyDeletemy therapist said to me once fasting will always lead to a binge so there was kinda an eureka moment that i thought i never ever wanna fast again i still binge granted but im able to eat enough some days without wanting to consume everything all the time maybe if u try eating a small bowl of cereal at breakfast it will limit the cravings little and often?
and balanced diet allow yourself cake fat is an essential part of our diet
embrace moderation
much love
xx
oh Damon. suck it up. get over your century.
ReplyDeletecaaaaaake. i want it! ugh. except not...i want low-fat cake that doesn't go above a hundred cals a piece.
:( the horrendous b/p cycle, huh, babe? ugh.
153.7 <3 im jealous.
:( sadness. here come take my hug
sweaty it is. omgosh. i want to be in your sweaty arms then. i have a thing for any bodily fluid really.
because life is shiiiiiiit.
i hope so. gah. i've been stuck between high 140s and whatever for a year. its only now that binge isn't in my vocabulary.
awwww. :( you'll look at me and go like what does she eat in a day fuck
-Sam Lupin
I'm the same way... I promise myself that I will be strong, but the moment I'm home alone I have to try a little taste of everything in the fridge.
ReplyDeleteWhich ends up with my purging.
Avoid the cake... It will not make you feel better, only worse.
Hang in there sweetie <3