Hey loves.
Guess what, it's still 140.2
It's been that way since I replaced the batteries.
I really don't know what's wrong.
I'm starting to think the scale's broken.
So I've tried a trick for breaking plateaus.
propolis, honey, 3 pieces of toast, 170g cheese.
Then I thought of a possibility.
What if I eat more?
That should break the break in the scale.
I kept munching on dark chocolate and nuts throughout the day.
I guess I haven't had more than 1400.
I haven't really counted.
I almost stomped on it when it showed 140.2 again.
At this point I think that I'd be happy with a change,
I decided that there was no point in stuffing myself full of food if it does nothing for me.
honey and propolis 58
150g sour cream 98
500ml tomato puree 148
2 pieces of toast 60
205g egg whites 106
totals: 470 kcal, 34g protein, 69g carbs, 5g fat, 2g fiber
I guess he thinks I'm still angry at him.
I'm not.
I was never able to be pissed at him for a long period of time (3 hours tops).
I almost sent a message yesterday, but in the end I decided against it.
I don't really want to sound desperate.
I keep getting these flashes of the time we spend together and I don't know.
I keep wondering if he's going through the same thing and if so, why doesn't he call.
I'm pretty sure that I'm becoming obsessed with him.
It's a bad thing.
I guess I owe the thanks partly to M and partly to my eating habits.
It is still not a disorder, not in my mind at least.
When my friends ask me if I'm thinking about him (the few who know about it anyway) I reply that no, I just think of him when he posts something.
When the other group of friends ask if we've heard from each other, I reply that no, I haven't heard from him in ages (although 3 days does feel that way, so am I lying really?).
And then there's the third group who constantly ask if I'm seeing anybody, to that I reply that I have too many obligations, I'm busy, I'm happy this way, I wouldn't change it for the world.
When someone asks about my eating I have a prepared list of menus for me to choose from to deliver the answer.
There's this whole hurricane of thoughts and opinions inside of me, but to the outside world they seem like static noise, because the one who should conduct them, turns the noise down, so instead of a roar they come out a squeak.
aye, eating more helps move things for me usually.
ReplyDeletei don't think you can sound desperate. if it's bugging you, i think you should tell him.
i think that if you feel like you are pretending your life away, then maybe it's time for a change for something. i find that when i am unhappy with life, i find what i am truly unhappy with and change that. because changing me means changing everything. and if things don't go out the way i want them to, i just stop it. like for me, i was very shy and timid and i couldn't talk to anyone. now i'm more brash and blunt. i prefer it this way.
people know me for being cold and cutting to the truth. not quite what i'm known here in the blogosphere, but certainly what i am when it comes to real life situations.
i think you just have to find what makes you happy. really happy. but that itself is a question for the ages.
but you'll figure it out, love.
hope i'm not sounding pretentious, just tossing my advice with the thing. i hope you have a lovely day. i just hate seeing you feeling sad.
because you deserve so much.
-Sam Lupin
comment reply (on the comments that you've left me):
ReplyDelete"I do wonder why you chose Percy though." Percy is my favourite character. i absolutely adore him. i'd explain why but it's a bit hard. personally, it all goes back to the fact that i think that he's a very human character and that if i was in his position, i would leave to. he's constantly ridiculed by the rest of them, and is exceedingly ambitious to a fault (to the point where it becomes his undoing later on) and the one time he loosened up his brother died after. very Greek tragedy.
it's Elsa. ;) just a tip, the dark pink parts actually are links.
"I thought of Danny, but I see her as an overgrown baby and you DO NOT think or write or anything like an overgrown baby." <- i do wonder what Danny you're talking about.
i'm blushing. you're so sweet, commenting on how well i write! thank you, love. and you write compellingly as well. i'd have no problem binge reading your posts any day.
"In my mind 30+ degrees is as close to paradise as you can get." you're adorable.
i still have some pb jars in my fridge. :( i really have gone off it. it's so strange. i do have a thing for almond butter now, and the thing about it is that almonds suppress my appetite so much that even if i do want to overeat on it, i can't usually get very far before impending sickness.
"I, personally, love guessing the bacterias and fungi in a Petri dish." i do too suspiciously enough but i love to complain about it as well. it's nice applying the knowledge but it does get a bit boring after binge reading/memorising stuff. i myself memorised 1/2 a 2,000 page book (legitimately) on my best exam. it was marvellous.
"You've just described every family gathering ever." aye, i did.
"My mouth is watering while you describe the cakes. Bad Sammy." i am sorry. you may slap me until i come to my senses.
ah, yes, the fudge does make me giggle a bit. whether it's the best is subjected but it does try to pull you in. ;)
love you to bits xxxx
-Sam Lupin