Anything but cool...

I've been binging through the last week including today.
I just can't stop.

I'm a fat cow with no self control.

Also the purging disgusts me, but I'm doing it anyway...
What's wrong with me??

I stepped on the scale Friday and it said 146,6.
I just.. don't know.
I want to be under 145 so bad.... I need it....

I am going to Petnica tomorrow so I'm not going to be able to post...
It's not like anyone cares anyway...

Obviously I'm in a veeeeeeery foul mood.
Partially that's because tonight will be my last dance lesson. That means I won't be able to dance with P until September and it's killing me.
Btw he likes his dance partner K and I like him. Ironic? I believe so.
He could never like me anyway.
I mean who would like a FAT UGLY BITCH WITH NO SELF CONTROL WHAT-SO-EVER??
That's right. No one.
Looks like I'm meant to spend the rest of my days alone (since I don't want anyone but P).

Stay strong lovelies <3 Hope you're having a better day then I am...

Never anything enough...

But I do know.

146.

That's what's wrong.

145.8

And I refuse to be fat anymore...

Stay strong loves <3

148

Happy??
YES!!


Hungry??
Do you really have to ask?? 

Anyway today:
Sour milk (84)
Lemonade (17)

total: 101 

*Doing a happy dance*

Stay strong lovelies <3

Stupid

Read the title again and again and again....
I just spent all my calories...
S.T.U.P.I.D.

Vegetable broth - 160
Toast -120
Turkish delight -80

all: 360

I have my dance class tonight so that's -130
which makes it a 230 cal day *if I don't screw up*

I WILL DO THIS.


I AM STRONG.


I WILL NOT EAT UNTIL TOMORROW.

Oh, that reminds me, plan for tomorrow
1 cup sour milk :D exactly 100

Stay strong lovelies <3

150.2

Success!!
Sour milk (105)
Half a bagel (around 150)
Peas (47)...
All in all: 303 cals

Grinning....

And I'm happy it was all water weight :)

Stay strong lovelies <3

There is no further decision to make...

I'm sick of being a whale.

My plan for my first day of ABC (I'm starting with Wednesday, week 1):

5 lemons (24*5=120)

2 egg whites (25*2=50)

Green tea and coffee (20)

all in all: 290 and I'm not going over that.

I'll weigh myself every day so you can track my progress.

Good Lord I'm so sick of me you wouldn't believe.

Stay strong lovelies <3

Monsters...

My parents are divorced. I live with my mom and I rarely go visit my dad. Today, he reminded me why is that.
We were talking about sth and he was making me go on a major guilt trip. I almost went insane.
Then we talked about may weight and he made me step on the scale while he looked at the numbers.
"I felt humiliated to the bone" would be the understatement of the year compared to how I felt.

Anyway since that is not an electric scale but the regular old-school one, I'm not really sure what my weight is, but it's around 156ibs...

Now comes the shock.

HOW THE FUCK DID I GAIN 10ibs IN 10 DAYS????

Major crying warning.

I guess it's just water weight, I mean sure I spent the last week eating like a pig but no more of that.

I WILL NEVER EAT solid food AGAIN.

Just on a side note:
Breakfast: Bread, sour cream and a piece of cake- 566

Stay strong lovelies <3

Nobody knows...

Nobody knows the pain I feel...
unless..
we are going through the same thing...

Stay strong lovelies <3